Struggling, Stuck, Simmering

I was genuinely just trying to find as many "s" words as possible but yeah, hi.

Hi there again,

I've written many things (it's a lie, just two) since I finished exams, but it just didn't feel right to share them, and now, as I'm writing this, I'm trying to kill two birds with one stone.

Bird one: process my thoughts

Bird two: Say hi here again.

I feel stuck.

This is not a strange feeling to me, I've felt it several times since 2023, and frankly, it has been a lot, but I can't say I have found the solution to feeling stuck because, I mean, here we are again.

So, for most of this year, I've had school to distract me from my life's problems (being jobless and broke) so I didn't really have time to dwell on it.

But now, I'm on break, trying desperately to lock in, and this week, it just hit me again. Last week was me looking forward to Thursday and having the time of my life, but this week, I've had to sit with and face myself, in that sense and since Monday, my overarching emotion has been “feeling stuck”.

Feeling stuck here means different things but it's all rooted in the fact that I have been trying (maybe not too wholeheartedly) to find a job, a full-time role, in the career that I want to build for myself— UX writing, for a long time now and it hasn't come through still.

I've had many close moments. One in 2023, which I don't think I can ever forget, because I really thought that was it, and I would have loved to work with that company. And a more recent one this year, I have only spoken about it to like three people.

A recruiter sent me an mail because they saw my LinkedIn, gave me an assessment (two tasks, in fact; I enjoyed doing them. I should probably post them), and then we had an interview. Now, I have done several interviews in my lifetime, but this was the one I enjoyed the most. Mostly because I realised mid-conversation how much about my role, about UX writing and marketing that I actually know, and I need to give myself credit for that.

So I left that interview feeling pretty confident that I got the role. But they said “aired”. I still wonder what it was about the entire process that made them decide to ghost after reaching out, but yeah.

All that coupled with sending cold emails and also getting aired, applying and getting aired, I'm just tired. I feel very stagnant, like I'm not making any progress, wondering if I'm even in the right career path.

I'm very overwhelmed and confused, and I frankly no longer know where to turn. I am trying to have conversations with seniors in my field for pointers so I know what to do, but I just feel stuck.

There's no silver lining or happy ending yet. I just feel stuck.

But yeah, that's it. That's all for today's episode. I don’t have a dramatic one today, maybe next time.

See you when I write again.