My friends are my backbones

What is life without my friends?

I spent a huge part of my week reflecting on my friendships and how much most of them have changed in the past year.

How much our problems have changed, how much our friendships have evolved, and I just wonder what I will be without them?

There was a point in my life where I had a grand total of two people who actually knew me, whom I could actually call my friends. People who weren’t tied by family or school, just my actual friends.

But then I evolved and basically grew a stack. I sometimes wonder how on earth I even got here. I used to think having a friend means they are yours and you should be experiencing all of them, and vice versa.

But over time, my mind changed, for multiple reasons. Having long-distance friends, who you cannot show up for physically, will do that to you, I guess.

And that’s how I understood that you can be different things to different people. I think about all my friends and the different depths of our friendships, and I marvel at how diverse life is.

Amarachi knows me in a different way from how Jinmi knows me.

Okiki catches up on my life via my burner tweets/snaps, while Ifeoluwa gets a once-a-quarter one-hour call, or whenever we remember.

Nennang speaks to me every day, literally, you guys, it’s like I’m her wife, she’s obsessed with me.

Yagazie comes to tell me about the big and small things, and helps me question my life’s decisions, too.

Fade, who is shocked every time I pick up her impromptu calls.

And then there’s Favour, the one who caters for me, whether I come back in two days or in two months.

And Ayomide, he says he’s my best friend, and who am I to argue?

Mind you, this is barely a quarter of my friends.

I’m rethinking this part that I wrote now because I certainly cannot mention everybody, Jesus.

Anyway, I said all that to say that I have a very broad understanding of what my friendships should look like, and that is what has gotten me through a lot.

I remember last year, when me having “so many” other friendships was a “problem”. I actually sat to evaluate my friendships to see if I was actually the weird one, if having “different friends for different reasons” was truly a horrible thing.

Now, I look back and I’m glad I didn’t stray from my standpoint. Because when life happened it was the same friends who were “too many” that held me up.

But at the same time, I fear that being at different points also brings tension, especially with distance. Like, because I cannot see most of my friends often, I feel like I’m missing out on their lives. Two of my friends had a birthday hangout this year, and I couldn’t be there because I was in another state.

I sometimes feel like an outsider, and then I start to internalise it and start moving like an outsider, which is definitely not a good thing.

But yeah, navigating friendships as an adult is hard, and it’s even worse when everyone else is fighting for their lives and career when you’re not even sure what you want to do, and you’re still fighting with 10am-4pm classes every week.

I don’t even think this piece is coherent, and I don’t want to edit it.

I mean, the entire point is having unfiltered thoughts, right?

Anywayyyy, let’s all pretend I have been here the whole time.

On to things I’m enjoying

• I’ve been reading books by Sarah J. Maas, and I’m about to finish the Throne of Glass series. It took forever, but I’m almost done!

• On music, omo everybody is dropping albums, I cannot keep up. But I’ve been enjoying Sarz, Lojay, Pheelz&Fireboy and AG Baby’s projects.

• I’m glad to be at home. Oh, and in reference to my last piece, I’m no longer jobless, at least till December lmao. We’ll see where life goes after that.

See you when I see you again.

Adios.